Anonymous Advocate: Coping with Relationships
Q: How do you manage a situation in which you like a girl, but don’t want to date her because it would ruin the friendship? Considering that if you break up you guys may never speak again.
A: This is a problem that I think most people struggle with when they realize that a friend that they’ve been with for a long time has developed, or is developing a crush on them. The best thing that I can advise for you is, do what you think feels right. And I know that it might sound like a cliché sort of thing for me to say, but the truth is that relationship advice is not a one-size-fits-all-thing.
Depending on the person and the relationship that you have with them you may have to give them subtle hints about where you two stand in your relationship, while at the same time, they might also be the type of person to whom you’ll have to directly tell them how you feel or they might never understand. But on the issue of whether you may or may not break up and never speak again, you’re thinking too far ahead. If you’re always thinking “We’re going to break up, we’re going to break up” you might end up ruining the relationship that you have with them. Just take a leap of faith and ask them out. If they say “yes,” then you go with the flow and try to enjoy this new development in your relationship. If they say that they’re not ready for one, at least try to make an effort towards staying friends with them, instead of just cutting off all communication with them. It’ll be awkward and hard at first, trust me, I know, but it’ll be worth it in the long run.
Q: How do you tell when two people are ready for a relationship?
A: Before I start, let me reiterate that relationship advice isn’t, and will not, be the same for everybody, so please take what I say with a grain of salt. Now, as for knowing when two people are ready to be in a relationship with each other, I could say that you’ll know and leave it at that, but I really do think that when you guys are ready you’ll know (says the old married couple who’ve been married for centuries). But if you’re as dense as I am, or if the one whom you want to become your significant other decides to be secretive about it, there’s a few telltale signs that you should look for.
They would catch a grenade for you.
No. But depending on how much you trust each other, could be a telltale sign that being in a relationship with them is something that they’d be comfortable with. Relationships are highly dependent on trust, and the greater the trust, the closer you are.
Trust is love , trust is life.
“Let me love you”
Physical contact! Now this one I strongly advise that you take lightly, because for most people the words “personal space” don’t exist in their vocabulary, while for other people, they don’t like to be touched, at all. But occasionally physical contact can dictate how comfortable someone is around you. Just watch for subtle touches (if they normally don’t like contact) or excessive contact (sometimes), but there’s usually a difference, and you’ll know when the line has been crossed.
“Hooked on a feeling”
Like I said earlier, you’ll know. Even if you disregard the rest of what I’ve said, when it comes to taking that final step, don’t rush it. Good things come to those who wait, and trust me, it’ll be worth it when the moment does come.